The Driving Academy: Episode I

First of all, happy Valentines day, I wooooove you all!!
I think I’ll go home today and give everybody a hug :D

Yesterday was my first driving class. The instructor, Jen, is a total hoot! We laughed off the entire 3 and a half hour class. There are about 10 people all together, mostly around 16. They remind me of how much people change in their late teens. The main characters in seating order:

Guy with the toque – Quick and witty little jerk, hereby named Touqy
The Lion – real name’s Leo, likes to bore us with stories about his sisters car, and his mom’s car and his sister’s boyfriend’s car, likes to start sentences with “this thing happened one time…”
The Musician – A musically capable young man, he mostly likes to laugh at what everybody else is saying.
Beta – The self-acknowledged computer geek. Likes to crack corny jokes and snarl; you know the sound
Blondie – a 16 yr old valley girl who “is not emo!” She is not used to going to the bathroom by herself.
Mr. Demento – Blondie’s friend from school. Disturbed, weird, random and wildly funny.
Tallness – Quite developed for his age, one may need a step ladder to find a personality (also a friend of Blondie and Mr. Demento)

Jen – the hoot and
Me.

The following are some conversations and car facts from class.

The colour red increases the insurance rate. Because sports cars in the 80’s were either red or black. This no longer makes sense now; sports cars are all sorts of colors.
Jen: “so the insurance people came up with a new explanation. Back in ’96 they make a pamphlet saying the color red is hard for people to recognize immediately.... ahh hello? Why don’t we just drive through some stop signs?!”
Beta: “The colour red evokes aggression.”
Mr. Demento: “yeah, if you paint a room red, you go insane.”
Jen: “um yeeeah... did you know if you paint your room pink your brain turns to mush? And while we’re on this, why are hospitals painted puke green? It’s like they want you to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.”
Beta: “They don’t have to wipe off the walls if you puke on it.”

A holder of a G1/G2 license must go for an interview if 6+ demerit points have been accumulated.
Jen: “This is not a job interview… but ladies, this would be a good time to wear a short skirt, or a cleavage top… or both…. or cry… that usually works. Men, do not wear a short skirt, do not wear a cleavage top either, unless you have cleavage… but if you have cleavage you might want to hide that. And please, don’t cry, crying doesn’t suit guys very well.”
Touqy: “What if they’re into guys like that?”
Mr. Demento: “Can’t we threaten them?”

When sharing roads with horse and carriage.
Jen: “who gets the right of way?”
Musician: “the driver?”
Jen: “*grunt*, who is more in control of the situation?”
Demento: “the horse?”
Jen: “*sigh* no…”
Demento: “the guy on the horse?”

Jen: “slow moving vehicles must have a yellow triangular sign indicating so.”
Touqy: “Can’t we brand the triangle on the horse’s ass?”
Jen: “I don’t think the horse will be too happy with me if I did that.”

And last but not least. The federal government is involved in only 2 cases of vehicle violation. They are…
Musician: “Hiding Drugs?”
Jen: “you can do drugs on the street.”
Demento: “Shooting someone?”
Jen: “no, you shouldn’t do that anywhere.”
Musician: “Speeding a lot?”
People: “Failure to stop? Stolen vehicle? Driving with your foot?”
Me: “shooting down a helicopter?”
*weird stares…*
Me: “I’m thinking about Grand Theft Auto…”
Jen: “I’ve never gotten THAT one… you’re all crazy.”

A lot more went on, but this is what I can remember. The ability to recollect and observe go hand in hand with how bored I get. Hope I can cut this crap out when school starts. Until then, 4 more weeks of driving school! Btw, the answers are D.U.I and Vehicular manslaughter.